Proverbs 31 Is Not Just For Women
I don’t think we talk about Proverbs 31 enough.
Yea I know, there’s been plenty of ink spilled on how to be a “Proverbs 31 woman.” But this passage is about so much more. The more I study the Bible, the more I realize what a literary masterpiece it is. Every page has so many layers of meaning to discover.
In case you’re not familiar with it, Proverbs 31 is a passage that talks about all the characteristics of a “virtuous wife.”
Whether it’s parents raising daughters, young men looking for a wife, or women wanting to be better wives and mothers, everyone sees this as a guide – a list of all the features of a perfect Christian woman.
Since most of us are only too aware of our imperfections, it leaves us wondering what to do with this. Should we hold up the Proverbs 31 woman as an ideal to strive for, knowing we can never attain that?
Or is there something else we’re supposed to learn from this passage?
That question is easier to answer if you put the passage in its proper context: the closing statements of the whole book of Proverbs.
If you flip back to the beginning of the book, “wisdom” is personified as a woman several times in the first few chapters. She’s contrasted with the foolish, adulterous woman who also shows up several times in the first few chapters.
So when we get to the end of the book and see another woman, it makes sense to connect her to the woman at the beginning of the book - especially because they look a lot alike.
What if the Proverbs 31 woman is not only a picture of an ideal wife, but also the feminine personification of the wisdom that every man, woman, and child is supposed to seek?
Let’s look at some specific character traits from throughout the book that also show up in Proverbs 31:
Kind words and a cool temper: Verses like 17:14, 18:21, and 25:11 all talk about the power of the tongue, avoiding strife, and speaking the right words at the right time. Just one verse of chapter 31 (v. 26) says all of that: “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness.”
Family relationships: Solomon credits both of his parents for teaching him the wisdom that he writes down in Proverbs. And many other verses talk about teaching children or honoring parents. In Proverbs 31, this is illustrated by the woman’s children calling her blessed, and by her relationship with her husband.
Taking care of the poor: Proverbs 14:31, 17:5, and 23:10-11 talk about God’s heart for the poor and admonish the reader to care for the poor and seek justice for them. The Proverbs 31 woman embodies this quality by extending her hands to the poor and reaching out to the needy (v. 20).
Working diligently: I can’t even list all the verses in Proverbs about working diligently. Some of my favorites are 6:6, 19:15, and 27:23. The Proverbs 31 woman provides food for her household, makes garments both to clothe her family and to sell, and even buys land and grows crops.
Confidence and strength: Proverbs 28:1 talks about the righteous being as bold as a lion, and Proverbs 18:10 says the name of the LORD is a strong tower for the righteous, which certainly inspires confidence. The Proverbs 31 woman not only has strength and honor, but even dares to rejoice, or in some translations, laugh, at the time to come – whatever the future may bring (v. 26).
The fear of the Lord: The most important parallel is from Proverbs 9:10 and Proverbs 31:30. 9:10 says that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and 31:30 says that a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
I’m currently reading Rejoice and Tremble: The Surprising Good News of the Fear of the Lord by Michael Reeves, which is a deep dive into what “the fear of the Lord” really means. I’ll probably write a whole post about that at some point, but for now just know it’s a way of describing someone who loves and honors God with all their heart.
By this point you might be feeling a little discouraged by this list of standards. They seem almost impossible to live up to. How are we supposed to even try?
The answer is in Galatians 5:22-23: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.”
That list looks a lot like character traits from Proverbs.
The Proverbs 31 woman is a symbol not just of a good wife or a wise person, but also all the traits of a Spirit-filled soul.
She’s not an example of character traits we have to work hard for, but of the fruit that shows up in our lives when God gives us a new heart.
We become like her not by trying harder, but by surrendering to God and letting Him transform our hearts.
Even though Proverbs was written long before Christ walked the earth, this woman is an example of a perfected Christian – what we can hope to be someday when we’re free from sin once and for all.
But there’s one more objection: if she’s meant to be an example to all who fear God, not just women, why is she a woman? Wouldn’t it have made more sense, especially in patriarchal Israel, to portray the perfect wise person as a strong, sage, kingly man?
Maybe. Or maybe we should look at one more symbolic woman in the Bible: the bride of Christ. Paul refers to the church as the bride of Christ once in Ephesians 5, and that symbolism shows up again in Revelation 19 and 21.
At the end of time, all believers collectively will become the perfect bride of Christ – even more perfect than the Proverbs 31 bride.
We’ll be perfect not because we’ve followed all the rules for what makes perfection, but because our Bridegroom has made us perfect by His spilled blood.
Until then? Well, Proverbs 31 is still great advice for those of us wanting to be God-honoring women. It’s also a great picture of how to apply the wisdom of Proverbs to real life, for male and female, married and single.
Most importantly, it’s one more beautiful symbol in the tapestry of God’s story – a link connecting Old Testament with New Testament, godly wisdom with the work of the Spirit, and human marriage with the marriage feast of the Lamb.
This post is an adapted from a series I wrote a few years ago on The King and His Kingdom.