You’re Not Meant to Feel Unstoppable

It’s Saturday night and I did not publish a blog post yet today. I’m on day 4 of being sick, and even though I feel way better today, I did not spend a lot of time writing this week. I was going to just call it an off week, but instead I thought I’d just try to write a more “off the cuff” post.

I’m really pretty good at writing a lot of words in a short amount of time. It’s when I try to publish those words that I start overthinking and overediting and end up with nothing.

So in the interests of just putting something out there and NOT overthinking, I thought I’d just share a little brain dump with a little bit about how I’ve been feeling lately + some encouragement for anyone who’s feeling a little stuck in a rut.

I don’t know if anyone else has this problem, but I always have these grandiose ideas of all the projects I’m going to do on those “long winter evenings.” And then for the first few weeks after the time change, I end up spending most of those evenings scrolling or streaming something all night, going to bed too late, getting up too late (still in the dark), and just generally stuck in a mindset that’s as cold and dreary as the weather.

And then at some point I get good and tired of feeling sorry for myself and start making little habit changes that turn the whole spiral around. This year it was on November 23rd.

I stopped putting pressure on myself to get a whole bunch of things done at night, and let the first part of the evening be for “whatever I want.” When I say it that way, it’s amazing how much easier it is to choose something much more wholesome than mindless screen time.

Then I started focusing on a good bedtime routine and getting to bed early so I could get up at 5:00 - which sometimes seems ridiculous when it’s 3 hours til sunrise, but I can be so much more productive at that time than if I stay up later at night.

The time in the morning gives me time to get my body moving, drink a bunch of water, do the dishes, make a good breakfast, have a quiet time, and do a little writing, all things that seem small but help set me up for feeling good and having energy throughout the day.

Though this routine had been working out well, I’ve had plenty of days where it just doesn’t happen. So I was just getting back into it on Monday and Tuesday, and Tuesday was feeling pretty amazing, and then on Wednesday morning woke up with a miserable cold.

And it was okay.

Because to be honest, I don’t think we’re meant to feel unstoppable.

Sometimes I feel like there’s always something holding me back, keeping me from being able to operate at 100% of my potential. I get a few days where I just feel amazing, and I can’t help but think of all the things I could accomplish if I could just talk to people easily, or if I never woke up with a headache or a cold, or if I never got distracted.

But then…all the things I do would just be purely my accomplishments, right? As it is, when I look at the things I’ve actually managed to do, the relationships I have, the things I’ve been a part of, it’s a bit of a wonder how it’s all worked out. It can really only be by the grace of God working through me.

If you’re feeling stuck in a rut, especially one that’s caused by the long, dark winter evenings, there’s plenty of things you can do. Drink lots of water. Eat good food. Move your body. Get outside as much as you can. Read your Bible. Get enough sleep. Put your phone down.

But even if you do all the right things, you’re never going to feel perfect. You’re always going to have bad days, sick days, anxious days. You’ll have times where you feel like you’re running full speed, and times when that speed runs you right into a brick wall.

The good news is that your identity is not based on how you feel or what you do. You are who God says you are no matter what.

You are a child of God, one with Christ, filled with the Holy Spirit. But you are also still part of a broken world. And so there will always be a tension between the power of God working in you and the limits of your body.

Maybe this isn’t such a bad blog post after all, but the part that usually takes the most time is figuring out a good way to end it. But maybe it’s appropriate to have a slightly unfinished ending, because this post ended up being all about embracing the messy, imperfect parts of life, and resting in the grace of a perfect Savior.

(at least I think that’s what it’s about. I may read it in the morning and decide it’s just purely a mess. Let me know what you think!)